The honest truth about being a First Runner-Up

Miss Universe 2015, Pia Wurtzbach  & First Runner-Up Ariadna Gutierrez during the final 2:

Before I begin, this particular post is dedicated to the young women out there who have been told “No” time and time again, to those who know what hard work means, and that the labor is often the reward. This is for my first runner-ups...

In September 2017, I was first runner-up at the Miss Rhode Island Teen USA 2018 pageant. While this was incredibly rewarding, it was also one of the most disappointing and bittersweet moments I had ever encountered.

Allow me to explain: 

I have been competing in pageants since I was a freshman in high school. Now that I am a freshman in college, I will no longer be eligible to compete in the Teen Division after this year. When my name was called as first runner- up at Miss Rhode Island Teen USA, I saw all those years of hard work, blood, sweat and tears (literally; those Chinese Laundry Tippy-Tops can kill a girl after a while, and those gowns can get very warm under the lights) flash before my eyes, and then disappear as quickly as they seemed to have lasted. 

When people hear “first runner-up”, the most common response is that of congratulations. To this day, I am so grateful to have placed this high in such a prestigious pageant, and I understand the importance of this position. But, one thing that we first runner-up’s won’t always tell you, is the frustration, sadness and often disappointment that comes after the pageant.

You would give anything to see those final scores. To see the numbers that decided which young woman would have the honor of serving her state and compete at one of the highest levels of pageantry. To understand “what went wrong” and why you weren’t the right girl for the judges this year. You spent months perfecting your walk and swimsuit body, making sure your interview skills are up to par, and what seems like forever searching for the wardrobe of your dreams. To see all of those days and nights washed away is one of the most exhausting things in the world, and many of us are hard-pressed to find other girls who truly understand that feeling.

However, one thing that I have learned not just through this experience but, through beauty pageants is the power of perseverance and of absolute faith. We can change our hair color, add more makeup, put on heels and look our absolute best but, we can never change who we are on the inside. None of those things, show the true measure of a person.

My mother told me that, when we ask God for something, He either says "Yes", "No", or “I have something better in store”. When she said this to me after finals competition, I didn’t understand what she meant. After all this time; what else could be in store? But then I realized; I’m not meant to know yet. We don’t understand why things happen until they are far beyond our reach. What I do know now, is that the best is truly yet to come.

For my onstage question, I was asked “What does success mean to you?”

I answered with a truly open and honest heart, and I believe that there was a reason that I pulled this question from the bowl.

My answer was as follows:

“I define success by how you affect people around you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what job you have, where you land on the societal hierarchy; all that matters is that you have made a difference in someone’s life, and that you have been a kind and decent human being”

I have said it once here, and I will say it again.

Compassion, respect, and kindness towards others, show us who to surround ourselves with. No crown can give that to someone. Even us first-runner ups have the power to truly change the world but, it is up to us  to find this strength within us. How we hold ourselves; with poise and grace is truly the judge of our own human decency.

I am grateful for the endless opportunities beauty pageants have given to me, and look forward to whatever God has in store for me in the future.

Written by: Abby Mansolillo
@abbymansolillo